


B, A, Select, Start

by slowmobanana



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2406665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slowmobanana/pseuds/slowmobanana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray can't find his phone; Gavin and Michael hit a rough patch; Dan makes a huge mistake; Kerry becomes the Firestarter; Ryan and Jack suffer an identity crisis. Geoff just wants to make a fucking video.</p>
            </blockquote>





	B, A, Select, Start

**Author's Note:**

> A one-shot about the comedy of what may or may not go on before the videos we watch begin.  
> On with the story!

 “Ah, fuck.”

 And that was how it started.

 It was Ray who said it first. He was standing in the middle of the room, patting down his pants pockets suddenly. For a moment, he was generally ignored as everyone loaded GTA 5. He looked around, spinning in circles, then stopped completely and stared into space.

 Gavin punched his Xbox tray shut, earning a hard glare from Michael and Geoff. He squawked a laugh, then turned his chair to face his screen, only to smack his head into his mic. Michael burst into a round of laughter. “You're a fucking idiot.”

 “Anyone seen my phone?”

 “No,” came two similar, simultaneous voices. Jack and Ryan looked at each other for a moment, then chuckled and looked away.

 Behind Ray, the door opened and Kerry peaked in from in between the crack. “Hey, guys? Who's lighter is this?”

 For a brief moment, everyone turned and inspected the shiny object in his hand before shaking their heads and returning to their own problems. “Might be Dan's,” the Brit suggested as he turned away and focused on his screen.

 “Where is Dan, anyway? One, two, three; one, two, three.”

 Geoff waved at Ray, who was still standing in the middle of the room. “C'mon over here and set up, jackass. We don't have all day.”

 Ray chuckled and shook his head. “I seriously can't find my phone. Shit, I actually kind of need it...”

 “Do you really need it for the video?”

 “I don't want someone to step on it! I don't really have the money to replace it. Can someone call my phone?”

 Gavin synced his audio and video. “Why the hell would I know where Dan is? It's not my bloody job to keep tabs on him at all times. He's a big boy; he can take care of himself.”

 “I wanted to see if you knew, Gavin! Geez, why are you getting all defensive?”

 “I'm not!”

 “Yes, you are!”

 Geoff groaned and slammed a fist against his desk. “Will you two shut up?”

 As the room fell silent, all that could be heard was Ryan speaking in an incredibly deep voice, “How's this? Do I sound sexy now?”

 And everyone burst into laughter. Michael collapsed to one side, leaning against Gavin's knee as the other nearly fell out of his chair while turning. Geoff slapped his thighs and finally brought himself to look at the two other Gents beside him. “Ryan, what the fuck are you doing!?”

 Jack said in a high voice, “We're differentiating our voices.”

 And everyone was doubled over in laughter again.

 A few seconds following, Dan burst into the room, stumbling and giggling. “Sho-- Fuck, Sorry I'm late. I am now here!”

 “Dan, have you seen my phone?”

 “Have I see you are what?”

 Geoff wiped away some of the laughter tears that were rolling down his cheeks. “The fuck, Dan? Where have you been?”

 “What have I what? Wait, what?”

 “Dan, are you drunk?” asked Gavin.

 “Nah! How would-- What makes you think that?”

 Michael slammed a hand against his forehead. Jack, still talking in a high-pitched voice, looked to Ryan. “I think he's drunk.”

 Ryan, in a low voice, said, “Me, too.”

 “I'm not drunk! I haven't drink all day, and I just got here.”

 “Dan, you are drunk!”

 “No, I am not! I'm not.” Then, matter-of-factly, he added, “I had Jell-O.”

 There was silence, except for Michael trying his damnest not to burst into laughter – and it came out in high pitched snickers instead.

 Gavin gently pressed his palms against his knees and leaned forward. “Jell-O.”

 “Yeah!” Dan beamed, nodding and offering a thumbs up. “It was absholutely top, Gav! It was in little shot glasses an' everythin'. I had, like, thirth-een.” On cue, he lost his balance while standing and he was forced to move his legs to keep himself from toppling over.

 Geoff, who found this both horrifying and hilarious, ran a hand through his hair. “Did you drive here?”

 “Nah, Burnie drove me! I was with him.”

 “You're drunk!” Michael yelled suddenly, no longer able to contain himself. “Those were Jell-O shots! There's alcohol in those! Dude, you are drunk!”

 “Holy dicks, dude!” was all Geoff had to add.

 Dan paled and shook his head, which was a bad idea because he lost his balance and he stumbled again. “What? No bloody way. I don't--” And he chuckled. “What? No! I'm not-- There's a-chlolbufsh-- What? No, there's--” But he was cut off by the six of them laughing again and he stumbled.

 “Stop stumbling!” Ray snapped, running a hand through his hair. “My phone might be on the floor.”

 “Fuck, Ray! Shut the hell up about your phone and sync!”

 “But I--”

 “Gavin! Stop fucking with my shit! I swear to fucking-- _Gavin_! You spilled my pop, you mother _fucker_!”

 “Hi, Ryan.”

 “Hi, Jack.”

 “Ah! Michael, no!”

 There was a thud as Michael tackled Gavin to the floor, the Brit squawking and kicking wildly while Michael pinned him playfully to the floor. “Hey, could you guys look for my phone while you're down there?”

 And Geoff just sat in the wake of absolute chaos as the entire room burst into loud chatter and playful wrestling.

 Then, Kerry appeared in the doorway again. “Hey, Dan, is this your lighter?”

 Dan whipped around, nearly falling flat on his ass as he turned, and Kerry flicked the lighter on. “Oh, yeah! I wash wonderin' where that was.”

 “Dude, are you drunk?”

 “Ish a long story, sort of.”

 In that moment, Gavin kicked Michael off of him and sent the man running backwards into Dan who, without his balance, collapsed forward into Kerry – and the lighter was still on. The flame met with the curtain of the Go! Board and it lit on fire abruptly.

 “Holy shit!” yelled everyone.

 Instantly, everyone was on their feet, scrambling in search of something to put the fire out with. Ryan grabbed his sweater and started to beat the flame while Geoff sprinted into the closet in search of a fire extinguisher. Everyone else just freaked out and either panicked, screamed, or laughed.

 In the midst of the chaos, Dan collapsed on Ray and they both hit the ground together; Gavin howled in both laughter and panic, and Michael just ran his hands through his hair.

 “I got it!” yelled Ryan in his normal voice. “Fire's out! It's all good.”

 “No, Ryan!” Jack pointed to a burning ember on the curtain, which Ryan just punched and then he shrugged. “Wow, effective. You didn't break the wall behind it, did you?”

 “Nah.”

 Geoff reentered the room with the fire extinguisher in his hands, only to find it was no longer needed. He sighed and stood dumbly with the thing in his arms. Everything was quiet, then they all turned to Kerry, who's face flushed a deep crimson red. “Uh, you know, it was kind of Gavin's fault for kicking Michael... It wasn't my fault.”

 The blond backed up a step and raised his arms in defence, but before he could say anything else, Geoff sprayed him down with the fire extinguisher. Kerry yelped and jumped, yowling for Geoff to quit spraying him but no proper sentences were formed. Michael chuckled deeply. “That might not be good for him.”

 “Neh. It's just pressurized water. Besides, I'm not hitting him in the face.” And then he sprayed Kerry again, who yelled and laughed again and bolted out of the room.

 Somewhere in that time frame, Dan and Ray had got to their feet again, the British of the two stumbling slightly into Gavin, who rolled his eyes and sat him down on the couch. “Just sit here and don't go anyway. In fact, go to sleep.”

 “But I don't-- I promise I'll be good. I wanna play, too.”

 Geoff threw the extinguisher onto the couch beside Dan and looked between the Puerto Rican and the drunk man. “Have either of your synced your audio or your video?”

 “No,” Ray admitted sheepishly. “See, if I had my phone, I could have recorded all that! It would have been great.”

 Michael snorted. “Yeah, fucking wonderful. 'RT Life: Kerry Almost Kills Us All'. I'm sure Burnie would approve of that. Speaking of which, do we have to report this?”

 “Guys! Fucking sit down, shut the fuck up, and we're gonna all play Grand Theft Auto – Dan included – and then we're gonna have video for next month's GTA Let's Play and it's gonna be great. Now. Go!”

 Everyone hurried to their spot, Dan stumbling over the spare desk with an Xbox and loaded up his game, syncing awkwardly (“One, two, three, two, one, three-- Wait...”).

 Dejectedly, Ray sat at his desk and synced his audio, swinging his feet and accidentally kicking something underneath him.

 “Alright, guys!” Geoff shouted. “Welcome to GTA V. Today, we're gonna play--”

 “Aw, sweet! Guys, I found my phone!” Ray chuckled. “Fuck, it was under my chair this whole time...”

 Michael broke into snickers and Geoff sighed expressively. “...I need some whiskey. Hold on.”

 “Can I have a Coke?”

 “I want some bevs!”

 “No, Dan! You're already drunk!”

 “Please!?”

 “Do we have any water?”

 “Hey, do we have any chips?”

 “I forgot to get my lighter from Kerry!”

 “Guys,” Geoff sighed, standing at the mini-fridge and staring at the rest of the Achievement Hunters, who quieted when he spoke. “I hate you all.” He paused. “And I really hate Kerry.”


End file.
